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lyrics

I like chicken
I like turkey
I like beef and I like beef jerky

I like meat
I like meat

Cook it up on a grill or in a pan
Who am I kidding? I eat it straight outta can

I repeat
I like meat

Some say
It’s bad for your health
I say I won’t eat anything else

I like meat
Only meat

I know meat could be bad for the Earth
But, I don’t care cuz it good for my girth

I like meat
A lotta meat

My momma said sit up straight and eat
I said
l only eat big piles of meat
She said
“You're heading right into an early grave”
I said “shut up mom you’re my meat-making slave”
Then she said I need to tell you the truth
I haven’t loved you since you were a youth
Your fifty-two and I’m finally through
I’m done feeding you, I got hobbies to pursue
I want to paint
I want to scuba dive
There’s so many activities your mom wants to try
I won’t be wasting my life
Cooking meat all the time
So
Get out of my house before I commit a crime
I’ll
Shoot you in the leg
Maybe stab you in the eye
Just get outta here before I start losing my mind
I left her house
She seemed to be serious
And I was so damn hungry I was getting delirious
But
Nothing was open
No sit-anywhere signs
Except a vegan place where I not normally dine
I entered
The smell was divine
But with no meat on the menu, I started to cry
I said do you have meat?
Can I get like a side?
If I don’t get meat
I will probably die
They said fine. We get this all the time
Why don’t you stop all your crying and give this try
It looked like meat. It looked sticky and sweet
It looked like the kind of meat that I like to eat
It was in a pile. One I usually defile.
So, I ate it fast like a four-minute mile
As I left
They had the gall
To tell me what I ate wasn’t meat at all
But I know better
I knew it must have been a joke
Because if it wasn’t meat it would’ve stuck in my throat
You know it wasn’t green
And I can feel it in my genes
My Y chromosomes would’ve intervened
See, I’m a man
A real rough, rugged dude
And meat is my only definition of food
I like meat
And I have a lot of guns
So, I’m going hunting to find some meat to fill my buns

I like meat!

credits

from Turkey Burgers and Other Delights, released July 7, 2023

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Sputnik Kaputnik Lincoln, Nebraska

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